When it comes
down to it, I do not believe in fairytales. I don’t because despite the need to
believe in them- to at least put a damper on the harsh realities of a world
laced with scary stuff like ebola- they seem too far away. I know that all
fingers are not equal but why should I be the one to have the little finger? Do
you see where I’m coming from? Everybody tries to dissuade me from having
fantasies that spice up my desires because they seem to be sure that I’ll
eventually be disappointed when I don’t get them meanwhile someone somewhere
has that same thing as his/her reality. I really do not understand why having a
primal need to satisfy some desires I consider basic are always made out to be
building castles in the air. It irks me that whenever I relate my desires or
aspirations, there is always someone to point out how unrealistic some of them
are and to what extent I’ll live an unhappy life when eventually I don’t get
them. I don’t get why I can’t be one of the few that actually dream, believe
and achieve. After all, there’s hardly any wish that has never come true before
in some era or form. Why does everyone try so hard to make you believe that
wanting a good thing is wanting too much? Has the world and its people
deteriorated so badly that shooting stars have ceased to be awe-inspired
because people are sure that no matter how much luck hovers around them, a wish
made on seeing a shooting star will never come true, not even by coincidence.
Fortunately or
unfortunately, I can’t help it. I can’t help stopping my imagination from
running wild or my heart from racing after it. I can’t help seeing a huge
conglomerate when I think of my career. I can’t help seeing a tall,
hardworking, god-fearing, sensitive, ambitious guy when I think of my future
husband. I can’t help seeing a hundred postcards crowding my refrigerator from
all the places I’d have visited. I can’t help imagining my kids to be awfully
cute and smart with dimples and who knows, maybe that photographic memory Lexi
from Grey’s Anatomy has. I can’t help thinking of wine, chocolate, sweet
scents, roses, silk and cuddling when I hear the word ‘romance’ although the
average Nigerian man might not even know that those things mean anything at
all. I can’t help seeing myself as some “Nazzirella” sometimes. I just can’t
fight the pure magnificence that these day-dreams spiked with little wishes try
to sneak into my very ordinary life in which I’m being forced to always be
prepared for gloom rather than for splendor.
This has little
to do with idealism but I refuse to accept that I can’t possibly be one of
those people that stand as exceptions to all the ugly life stories flooding
walls of fame. It is pretty much ironic because I have really had very rough moments
years and many might be of the opinion that I should know better. Perhaps I
do. I know that there’s no rule that says I have to wallow in difficulty just
because the planet needs someone with whom it’ll to prove others that this
isn’t Disneyland. There’s no rule that says things don’t get better and stay
better, at least for a good measure of time. For me, believing that luck,
purity, dream-come-trues and just a little magic are non-existent is just
surrendering to defeat. I see all the evil floating carelessly and dropping
unto the laps of unsuspecting people but for the sake of my sanity, I just have
to believe that there are magical ways devised by forces of nature that tilt
that scale just a little in the bid to create near-balance. I just need to live
without fearing that death could snag me the next minute even though I know
that that is an inevitable fact. I need to find happiness and freedom in my
thoughts without being reminded every time that they might not be potent enough
to become tangible tomorrow. I believe in the God who says that the desires of the righteous shall not be cut off; He set no boundaries to that. Now note that there is a line between a mere fantasy and desires but there are no limits to both. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
Who shares my
sentiments?
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