Lately, I have been having dialogues that involved
dissecting the word “LOVE”. Generations past have done the same but for some
reason, mankind is never satisfied with the insights we amass; it’s like we
never quite get a hold of it. I’ve read articles and lots of literature that
try to tell us what love is but I’ve also looked into myself and just maybe, I
have some answers.
P.S- These are strictly my beliefs/opinions and I only hope they
convey substance.
Love is not just a feeling. Before you pounce on me, hear
me out. Love entails emotions but is not one in itself. Love is not like
happiness or pain; it ought to be a long term experience. The crux of marital
and relationship problems lies with thinking love is just a feeling and taking
actions based on those feelings. If it were just a feeling, you wouldn’t feel
like it on some days, and when those days come, you’ll pack your bags and bail.
Love is a character.
It’s a spirit.
It is patient, kind, faithful, loyal, courageous,
truthful, long suffering, tender and peaceful. All these things, in my opinion,
are not feelings. They constitute a behavior. Love cannot be just a nitpicky
feeling.
Love is a decision. I am not
sure I believe in ‘Love at first sight’. As a matter of fact, I think there is no
such thing but in the grapple for perfection, we build our hopes upon a chimera
that passes away like the morning mist. Ask the married folks around you, it’s
the decision that binds you and not the feelings, all the time. On some days,
you’ll look at that sexy hunk of a husband and see a leprechaun. Oh and that
pretty ass wife might look like the Grinch who stole the good life from you. So
yes, it’s a decision. It requires conscious effort to keep it together.
Love is an art. It requires
adornment, trimming, renewal. Leave it alone and it becomes dreary. The candles
must be kept burning. You don’t fall in love and leave it alone. You strive to
stay in it. You have to do certain things to cause greater endearment and to
arouse thrill and desire, and then the love grows. Yes, love grows just as it
diminishes. Like any discipline, it has branches that complete the circuit.
Learn the art of seduction and sex, understand the value of friendship, Keep
fit and stay attractive, acquire financial and investment skills, Invest in each
others’ strengths and dreams, indulge your fantasies, and yes, learn the art of
fun. Just like any art, it can be learnt; how else do we explain the success of
betrothals? How else can we explain accepting in-laws and step kids? How else
can we explain accepting and loving someone undeserving of our affection? Loving
is an art honed with subtlety.
Love is a force. I’d say it
is one of the strongest forces controlling the universe. Like sex and money,
the power coursing from it is mind-blowing. Love changes people, mends broken
hearts, offers hope and bestows life. Love gives you the power to tame the
brutality of man. Loving a spouse wields greater life-transforming power than
nagging or cussing.
Love may never be enough. As
uncanny as this may sound, I’ve heard of couples who loved each other a great
deal but couldn’t make it work. This is where compatibility, aspirations, money
and all those feelings come in. Even with love, we have to find other things.
In financial crisis, you may not see the love and may not be able to deal with
that. If you have conflicting core values, you may not think love enough reason
to discard the core of your being. Some prior decisions or commitments may not
give way to love. So as amazing as love is, it needs more than itself to work.
Love is precious. Don’t
waste it on people who are too shallow to understand it. Start by loving God
and then yourself. It makes it easier to love another and be loved. In loving
him, God teaches you to love and accept yourself, showing you to be better than
you already are. In having someone who you are accountable to, you will cherish
what you have with others and treat them with such affection as is bestowed on
you.
I’m still learning and I earnestly
desire that one day I’ll experience these things of which I write. I’d love to
hear your opinions on the subject matter.
Xoxo,
Nazzy
