ON DECIDING TO BE BEAUTIFUL

So guys, here’s the thing. I have been drowning recently; drowning in the ocean of activities that make up my life. I have lost weight recently, acquired eye bags the size of Texas and broken down one or two times. Let’s not even talk about the needs vs pockets ratio.

Needless to say, contrary to my plans and hopes for starting the New Year, I haven’t been entirely happy lately. This has turned me into such a nag that I sometimes cringe when I start with these rants. At some point, it was okay to rant; I mean I have the right to. It’s me we’re talking about here. But somewhere along the line, I realized that I was actually becoming sad. In the two weeks, I have broken down in serious tears about thrice and shouted more times than I can count. My countenance became sour and every day, the ball of negative energy around me expanded and somehow got tighter.

I am not going to delve into some of the issues I have been dealing with since I do not have the privilege of being an anonymous blogger but here’s the deal: I HAVE CHOSEN TO BE HAPPY. I made a choice to be at peace with myself last year and by God’s grace, that turned out amazing. I was in my ACCA class on Saturday and whilst classes were going on, I was bus making lists of my immediate needs and attaching price tags to them. By the time I was done, I understood why some parents pop B.P pills after looking at their children’s lists.

After dwelling on these needs for quite some time, I decided that although it’s quite disappointing that I may not be able to afford all at the moment, they are not worth my happiness. So guess what, I dropped all that burden somewhere along Ojuelegba and moved on. I mean, when has God not had my back?

I retraced my steps and decided to uphold some of the decisions I made with taking good care of myself being one of those at the top of the list. So I thought you might want to hear some of my year-long resolutions. Note that I didn’t use the term “New Year.”

§  I decided to start zinging my water with lemons and other fruits. My citrus zinger water bottle is already "IN" and I’ve got tons of recipes waiting to be tried out. Yass Fit Fam!!!

§  I decided to start pampering my skin and believe me when I say that most of the things on that list were for my hair and face. Anyways, I walked into Montaigne Place and walked out with 3 bottles of awesomeness in a Clarins range.

§  I decided to stop being grumpy and get around to chores that I felt like are not in my jurisdiction. Like I won’t let myself be uncomfortable cuz I’m too pissed at you for not doing your job; I’ll go ahead and do what I can cuz I’ve got standards and there’s no way your smallness is messing with them.

§  I decided to eat fruits every single night; I need to have that healthy glow. Who knows? Shining bright like a diamond can get a girl a diamond. Lol.

§  I decided to stick to black soap…Yes, you heard me. I have been using Cussons Baby Soap for some years and as you all know, I’m a grown woman whose skin has grown-up issues plus my mum decided that she was done with my child support programme. So I discovered FOREVER LIVING AVOCADO BAR which is amazing and does a fine job of making me N1000 poorer every two weeks or so. Then I went to Akwa Ibom state for work and an old friend introduced me to this jar of black gooey sweetness called “ATONG.”

I’ll skip the details and jump to the part where I started using Dudu-Osun thereafter. So far, I’m loving it. It’s cleared some of the zits I had on my chest and back and the rest of my body is glowing. I was a bit skeptical about using it on my face and just stuck to my Neutrogena face wash. I also read reviews on Dudu-Osun online and many people had amazing stuff to say about it. I also learned that I can use it for my hair. Can I get a “Halleluyah”?

*REVIEW ON MY BEAUTY REGIMEN COMING SOON AS A VLOG*

§  I decided to be more disciplined. I want to remain a Risk Consultant and become a professional blogger/vlogger this year and these appeal to my discipline and sense of priority. I’ll have to work smart, write better, shoot better and just be more efficient generally speaking. I’d also have to make out more time for squats (and the dumbells for those just arrived...yayy!) and making salads and smoothies. You’re probably asking why I can’t fit the four lines above into 365 days without tackling discipline. Well, if you’ve set goals that you are determined to achieve this year and realize that the first the first month is always gone, you’d have the answer to your questions.

§  I decided to build a great reputation among most people I’d come in contact with this year. Basically just be a beautiful person on the inside and on the outside. I know I can’t do this alone, and am constantly asking for help form God.

I HAVE DECIDED TO BE A REALLY BEAUTIFUL PERSON ALL-ROUND OR ELSE WHAT’S THE ESSENCE OF BEARING A NAME THAT MEANS “BEAUTY COMES FROM GOD”?

Xoxo,

Nazzy

CHRONICLES OF 2015

I know you thought I wouldn’t show up. Don’t think about it; just give me a hug!

Last year was beautiful and I’m not saying this because I feel lucky enough to have seen a new year. It’s true because since I became an adult, I haven’t experienced an age or time in which I had to take absolute responsibility of things around me. I was an independent adult facing life in its barest form.

I had real hard times; not the kind you face because they are a family burden but the kind that become all yours and no one’s. I had choices dance before my eyes, each teasing me with its pros and scaring me with its cons. I was the wind; heavy and dark one some days and light and fast on others.

Above all, I LEARNED TO TRUST GOD ABSOLUTELY AND IN RETURN HE TAUGHT ME THE TRUE MEANING OF JOY. I LEARNED THAT EACH ASPECT OF MY LIFE IS A JIGSAW PUZZLE LYING ON MY FATHER’S LAPS GRADUALLY BECOMING THE PICTURE HE HAS IN HIS HAND. I LEARNED THE TRUE MEANING OF JOY AND NOW, NOTHING CAN STEAL THAT FROM ME.

I faced a lot of challenges but unlike other years, I was joyful and completely at peace and although not all plans came through, the best of Him through me came to life. In as few words as I can manage, here’s my tale of triumph:

•        I learned to listen to the word and became closer to God.
•          I kept the best of friends and learned not to underestimate the power of positive energy around you.
•          Nobody in my family was hospitalized; that hasn’t happened in a while so it’s a mind-blowing milestone.
•          I found favor with people.
•          Love came my way...I eventually let it go but I found beautiful moments and made memories of them… And it’ll be waiting at the next junction so spare me the “aww”
•          I got admitted to a master’s program and a top school in the U.K.
•          I got a great job in a multinational. (“Great” here is a synonym for stressful and nomadic in nature lol)
•          I led the choir in church.
•          I spent a night on the beach…you think you’ve seen it all until the sea sings you to sleep.
•          I bought new shoes and clothes and fabrics. What? Don’t you know some people are naked?
•          I wrote more beautiful pieces, stretching myself to uncover more deep and amazing parts of myself.
•          I ventured into spoken word; I entered into a talent competition, did a few of my pieces and came second. Anyway, the gist is that you can now call me “a spoken word artist.”
•          I got extra piercings on my ears and learned to love fura di nono. I hope I got that right.
•          I reunited with one of my best friends and then made some new ones.
•          God answered one of my prayers with a miracle for the family. Ehen? Must you know everything?
•          I finally bought a brand new Nikon D Series camera. Thanks to Jumia on black Friday, we can finally get around to that Youtube channel and blog expansion. Please help me beg work to give me a break now and then.
•          I took a decision to become the “Proverbs 31” woman and to love the “1 Cor 13” way. Without all that last year brought my way, I may not be on this journey right now.

Happy New Year my lovelies. You were an amazing part of my 2015 and I hope we all stay strong, loving and helping each other grow. This year is for miracles and the nature of God shining through us. Make the best of it and do not hesitate to be super amazing with no apologies.

Take every moment and create at least a fraction of your dream out of it.

Take every person and create a friend out of him/her.

Take all that you are and create a reflection of God on earth.

Lace every deed with a drop of eternity; something beautiful that someone somewhere will never forget.

Xoxo,

Nazzy

GOLDEN MORN

Like an enemy trying to overthrow a fortified wall,

The light pushed against my closed eyes.

I could almost feel my pupils constricting… shuddering at that golden force.

My face felt pleasantly warm and I assumed those were the sunrays washing over me.

I let out a silent scream; a yawn, betraying my fatigue which was ironical since I had been in bed all night.

I finally opened my eyes and just like in fairy tales, a little white bed sat on my window sill chirping away a tune I had never heard before.

The leaves on the branch just outside my window were clothed with the morning dew that escaped to the ground below in steady drops.

Termites that would have had me disgusted suddenly looked regal as they marched in a train up the tree, carrying bits of what I couldn’t really make out.

A moth flew by and I could almost swear I saw specks of color.

“Now my head’s really messing with me” I thought as I snapped out of my daydream.

I soon relaxed again after I remembered that today was a holiday.

The churning of copiers;

The absent-minded flight of papers;

The groans that accompanied the stretching of tired workers;

The sound of the pen tip on a desk as my boss asked me silly questions to which he already had answers;

All that would not interrupt the serenity that came with this beautiful day.

I looked outside again and began to watch as the rays from the rising sun turned the surfaces of cars into mirrors.

The cars that sped by carried a blur of reflections that intrigued me.

I wondered why I had never noticed all of this before.

My eyes caught a cloud shift and just as I looked up at it, carefully avoiding the sun itself that was gathering strength with each passing second,

I felt a brush on my back.

“Are you alright” my wife asked

Her voice was low and throaty. It sounded like a groan only it was sweeter.

I looked back at her.

She sat up halfway with her elbow anchored on the soft mattress as it gave her upper body some support.

She wasn’t insanely beautiful but she drove me insane anyway.

Her extremely full afro looked like a halo with jagged pieces hovering over her head.

Her dark skin glowed and her bare lips stayed slightly parted as she stared at me with what I can only imagine, was worry.

How couldn’t I be alright?

I was falling in love again, just like I did every morning. I could never look at her and not fall in love over again.

I caught her hand as she reached for my face, kissed her palm and drew her close.

She sat still, her body perfectly curled into mine like the right piece of a jigsaw puzzle.

It was different. This morning was different.

On every other day, I fell in love with Muna but it was as though the elements were never in support.

The birds never helped me sing her a song.

The termites never went on a parade.

The moths never thought to look beautiful.

The sunrise was too soon and too bright.

She never sat still in my arms looking into my eyes as though she were searching for some lost treasure.

There was never the time to notice that my wife of ten years still smelt of crisp apple and vibrant poppy just like she did on the day she said those first words “Clumsy idiot” to me.

Or maybe I never noticed.

And then she did what she always did.

She heard it; the voice in my head.

She read it; the words my pupils heard. She always knew.

“Give it a title” she whispered.

“Huh?” “Give all of this a title”, she replied as her lips twitched with subtle amusement.

Just as I was about to reply, we heard a deafening honk.

As we both turned towards the window to see what the intrusion was, we saw a large van.

On it was a huge picture of a little girl smiling heartily as she ate every Nigerian child’s dream cereal “Golden Morn”.

“That’s it” I laughed. “’Golden Morn’. This is the perfect golden morning”

She let out a husky laugh. “Is that ridiculous or what!”

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I apologize for not being here. I've been really busy, but I promise it's gonna get better. I cannot possibly turn my back on you guys. Yes, my readers are that amazing!

P.S- I wrote this for my 'bowl of marshmallows'. At first, I thought this piece was somewhat ridiculous but he said it isn't. Plus, nothing's really too ridiculous to be said. [Let's not even start analyzing that statement]

P.S.S- Don't leave this page without dropping a comment. I always wanna know what you have to say. 

Have a wonderful weekend

GROPING FOR A MAGIC WAND

When it comes down to it, I do not believe in fairytales. I don’t because despite the need to believe in them- to at least put a damper on the harsh realities of a world laced with scary stuff like ebola- they seem too far away. I know that all fingers are not equal but why should I be the one to have the little finger? Do you see where I’m coming from? Everybody tries to dissuade me from having fantasies that spice up my desires because they seem to be sure that I’ll eventually be disappointed when I don’t get them meanwhile someone somewhere has that same thing as his/her reality. I really do not understand why having a primal need to satisfy some desires I consider basic are always made out to be building castles in the air. It irks me that whenever I relate my desires or aspirations, there is always someone to point out how unrealistic some of them are and to what extent I’ll live an unhappy life when eventually I don’t get them. I don’t get why I can’t be one of the few that actually dream, believe and achieve. After all, there’s hardly any wish that has never come true before in some era or form. Why does everyone try so hard to make you believe that wanting a good thing is wanting too much? Has the world and its people deteriorated so badly that shooting stars have ceased to be awe-inspired because people are sure that no matter how much luck hovers around them, a wish made on seeing a shooting star will never come true, not even by coincidence.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I can’t help it. I can’t help stopping my imagination from running wild or my heart from racing after it. I can’t help seeing a huge conglomerate when I think of my career. I can’t help seeing a tall, hardworking, god-fearing, sensitive, ambitious guy when I think of my future husband. I can’t help seeing a hundred postcards crowding my refrigerator from all the places I’d have visited. I can’t help imagining my kids to be awfully cute and smart with dimples and who knows, maybe that photographic memory Lexi from Grey’s Anatomy has. I can’t help thinking of wine, chocolate, sweet scents, roses, silk and cuddling when I hear the word ‘romance’ although the average Nigerian man might not even know that those things mean anything at all. I can’t help seeing myself as some “Nazzirella” sometimes. I just can’t fight the pure magnificence that these day-dreams spiked with little wishes try to sneak into my very ordinary life in which I’m being forced to always be prepared for gloom rather than for splendor.

This has little to do with idealism but I refuse to accept that I can’t possibly be one of those people that stand as exceptions to all the ugly life stories flooding walls of fame. It is pretty much ironic because I have really had very rough moments years and many might be of the opinion that I should know better. Perhaps I do. I know that there’s no rule that says I have to wallow in difficulty just because the planet needs someone with whom it’ll to prove others that this isn’t Disneyland. There’s no rule that says things don’t get better and stay better, at least for a good measure of time. For me, believing that luck, purity, dream-come-trues and just a little magic are non-existent is just surrendering to defeat. I see all the evil floating carelessly and dropping unto the laps of unsuspecting people but for the sake of my sanity, I just have to believe that there are magical ways devised by forces of nature that tilt that scale just a little in the bid to create near-balance. I just need to live without fearing that death could snag me the next minute even though I know that that is an inevitable fact. I need to find happiness and freedom in my thoughts without being reminded every time that they might not be potent enough to become tangible tomorrow. I believe in the God who says that the desires of the righteous shall not be cut off; He set no boundaries to that. Now note that there is a line between a mere fantasy and desires but there are no limits to both. Wisdom is profitable to direct.

Who shares my sentiments?

THE MiSt PHASE

I have been M.I.A for some time now. I was busy rounding up with my BSc programme and I’m finally done with it. Four years of pure joy, pain, surprises, frustration, disappointments, and achievements have ended. The four years every high school senior can’t wait to get a taste of when on the other hand, every undergrad wants to quickly get over with them. They ended and nothing happened. The sky didn't turn pink neither did my crush come to my door bearing roses and a diamond ring. I had so many ridiculous expectations but right now, normalcy has eroded them from my head.

There was something about the notion of being a graduate that made us think we’d probably sprout an extra head because the weight of the awesomeness would be too heavy for one head to carry. I thought I’d feel different, have all the answers all of a sudden, have super strength to do all those things I've been dreaming to do and maybe even grow taller. HAHA! But I feel normal; normal in a funny way.

Maybe this is a phase. The platform from which I’d leap unto all those things I expected. I feel strangely overwhelmed by my ambitions. I’m out of the safe net where I used to have all the answers. If you asked me what I wanted to be in three years time, the answers just rolled off my tongue like floetry. Right now, I think of the same question and no words rush to my mouth. I stare into whatever lies before me as those plans, dreams, goals seem like tiny molecules floating on the sea of uncertainty. I no longer have some explanations waiting for me even before I asked the question. This is really strange, really ordinary and I’m used to being a superwoman. Being a superwoman is easy when there are no risks and no black holes furiously reaching out to drag you into them. Here in the real world, all we have are ordinary people with extra ordinary dreams trying to make use of ordinary resources to make extraordinary stuff happen. I’m getting used to the idea as peculiar as it is to me.

I’m training myself to subdue fear, ignore shame and accept the possibility of failure as a natural ingredient for success. I’m struggling to accept the truth in the fact that I may have to let some people go so that new people can teach me things that will open my eyes to greater things. I am making conscious efforts to define who I am and what I want out of life, and I’m learning that this definition expands with every new day. I am learning that I have no reason to let go of who I want to be no matter what eerie voices say.

Everything you feel and have is a tool. Love, pain, memories, fear are all forces from which you can draw strength or weakness. So even though I am having a hard time reconciling reality with expectations, I will find my feet and I’ll stand on them. The truth is that no achievement is an end. They ought to be pre-requisites to achieving new stuff and we must find other things we need to attain new heights. Everything seems as uncertain as the mists, curling and shifting with every second but we must remember that as hours engulf minutes, the forms beyond the mists become clear images. This is my mist phase but I have to make sure that as things settle, I’ll be ready at every point to take charge of reality and make extraordinary things happen. I have decided to have fun and make great memories while I’m making history. Who says you can’t do both? Life’s too short to for every day not to be filled with the kinda laughter that makes you snort or the kinda smile that makes your cheeks hurt. Whether you’re in the mist phase or at the point where everything is crystal clear, be grateful and seize the moment with reckless abandon. Hey, I’m not saying you should jump off a cliff with no parachute screaming “You only live once”. Just let your dreams, hope and faith be incorruptible. 

A LETTER TO HIM

          

Hello lovers,

In case you haven't figured, I am one huge awesome bundle of drama. Yes, I can be very dramatic; I'm my mum's daughter. You must also know that I am a 'pro fantasizer'. I can literally sit for hours just planning and dreaming about how fab my life would be a couple of years from now- Career, Marriage, Motherhood, Travels....just name it. For instance, I already have the details of my honeymoon on ground and I don't even have a steady relationship yet. (Did you just shake your head at me?) Of course I know life isn't full of fairytales but I don't let that rob me of my plans, dreams and fantasies. Plus, with the right attitude and God, many of those can come true.

I take marriage very seriously and its one thing I look forward to and hope I do right. I know no man or woman is perfect but understanding and complementing your strengths and weaknesses is what matters. I know I can be over dramatic sometimes, and can eat nougats, pizza and marshmallows from now till next year, and that I have an terribly funny and bizarre bucket list but there has to be someone who'll accept those because he loves me and will even indulge me sometimes.

So on the 30th of October 2012, I came up with this ridiculously heartfelt long letter to 'him'. Note that this is not a rigid checklist. I hope you smile or laugh or say a couple of 'aww's.

Dear him,

        Hope you're great? Its funny I don't even know whether or not I've met you or not. You've probably walked past me some time at the mall or even sat beside me at a movie. Its all good cuz I'll meet you in the end.

        You know how people say that you just won't find a perfect guy and that you make yourselves perfect for each other. That's why I'm writing you this letter. Someone has to take the first step right? Not to sound vain but you know, we both have to put some things in place before sealing the deal. I really want you yo know some things if we are gonna stay together long enough to have a golden jubilee. You should know that I'm trying really hard to be the ideal woman: Christian, decent, a great cook, hot, romantic, fun, smart and well educated....blablabla. Maybe I'm not there yet but I'm trying. Just so you know, 

• I'd love you to be my best friend.....and best friends don't keep secrets from each other.
• I'd love you to be blunt with me; Be able to tell me anything no matter how bizarre, silly or even harsh (I'm not saying you should be screaming at me oo)
• I'd love you to be pretty sensitive to my needs; I love to be cuddled and held and I don't want to ask before I get any 'sugar'.
• I'd love you to be patient; We women have our horrible, tantrum-throwing moments and a patient man should work the magic. You need not shut us up with your fists. A wide grin or compliment or kiss should work. In extreme cases, ignore us and marry your newspaper, we usually advise ourselves at this point. Who wants to compete with 'the newspaper'?
• I'd love you to be spontaneous; Like surprise me with exotic gifts, the very cute thoughtful gifts, quickies in the elevators... (Don't look at me like that now...Its just these hollywood movies messing with my head) and any other things I haven't thought of all through my fantasy series.
• I'd love you to be the eyes through which I can see things differently from how I see them.
• I'd love you to love God as well; pray with me, pray for me, pray on my behalf. In loving you, let my love for God grow.
• Please be romantic; Make me breakfast in bed (not every morning of course. I know you've got work) and be my very best masseuse [better than what any spa has to offer ;) ]. And I love those hugs from behind. They are the cutest gestures ever.
• Be so proud of me that your friends will get back home and go all 'can't you be like Mr -----'s wife?' on their wives.
• I'd love it if you'd have a wonderful scent and fresh breath. I have this refined raw hatred for body odors and bad breath. Remember I have to kiss you very often. Well...I'm not sure we'd get as far as the altar if these areas are no-go areas.
• Oh please, have time for the kids and I. I want them to spend some time with you everyday and we'd probably take turns to tell them bedtime stories. I want us to have time to talk about our day cuz you'll be my personal diary. You should also know that I have two lovely names for our daughters. You should pick out names for the boys. We'll pick out their Nigerian names together.
• Now I beg you, please be faithful! Like I said before, I'm tryna be the 'it' woman so I'd try not to give you any reason to look outside. I dunno how I'd take it so I'd rather it'd not be an option.
• I'd love it if you loved me so much and knew me so well that you could read my lips from 40 metres away, that your heartbeat will be in sync with mine, that we'd have our private jokes and understand our thoughts by just exchanging glances, that you'd be so restless if you knew I wasn't smiling, that you'd look beyond my imperfections and teach me to be the one you'd love, that you'd never look me in the eyes and lie to me, that I'd be the cure to your insanity.
• I'd love it if you were intellectual with a great sense of humor. I have a sound sense of humor and I'm the queen of sarcasm. Besides, I love witty banters and want to be able to hold reasonable convos with you.
• I'd love it if you were daring, and would do really crazy things with me without caring about status or people around and what they have to say about us. Teach me to be a braver woman.
• It'll be a bonus if you're tall cuz I'm not. I'd love it if you can play an instrument or can speak french, or if you can handle Italian cuisine, or can sing beautifully, or can tango gracefully, or can surf or skii. Well, if you can't  do any, we'd probably learn together.
• I'd love it if you'd let me love you and care for you in my own way; Just savor and appreciate my gestures and help me live the happy life I want. Honey, is that too much to ask?

                Finally, since I haven't so much as met you, let me just say "I love you in advance".

                                                                                                                       Yours sincerely,

                                                                                                                       Future Wife.

EGGS WITH EARS.

So there's this really...well, you might call it 'weird' but I call it 'sensational'.... Yeah, so there's this really sensational thing I do where I talk to the eggs in my ovaries. Okay stop looking at me like that! People do weirder stuff... And no, I'm not pregnant so its not like I talk to an actual baby growing in me.

Here's how it works:
I see a picture of a really cute family and I turn to my tummy and say "hey kids (well they are kids to be so...), y'all should select the cutest and smartest four eggs and keep them safe. Don't tell me you lost 'em in a cycle...cuz I don't want any ugly or dumb kids". OR friends and I could be gisting 'bout our roles as mums and how we'd treat our kids and I'm like "Are you guys hearing? Y'all better be of good behaviour or else...na daily cane una go dey chop". *not like I'm tryna scare them ooh* My mum says you should always speak life into stuff no matter how distant or non existent it might seem.

I'm not making this up, I actually do it.lmao. Now I know these are not real kids but you must remember that they are potential babies. And if real babies can hear and take instructions, they just might be able to do the same. They have a 'life' potential in them.

This applies to dreams and ambitions. Unrealized dreams are like eggs, still in their comfort zone. You must recognize your dreams and gifts as having the potential to be realized. You must believe that they can' be' someday and must not neglect nurturing them as such. It's like incubating an egg. The hen sends a message of warmth, care and hope to the eggs, and the chicks find in these the strength to hatch. I'm not sure that's precisely how it works scientifically...but hey! Its is my theory.

You must learn to think of the intangible as tangible to pull them into existence. Your dreams are a blueprint of your future which must be envisaged and related with. The tongue has made the world's greatest impossibilities possible. So why don't you explore that god-like capability embedded in you? And if you're dumb, like literally (no hard feelings), you can communicate with your eggs through your thoughts and actions...believe me, they can hear soundless voices.

So my point is,
Eggs in ovaries can eventually become human,
Shelled eggs can turn to be chicks,
Nothing has turned to be the world
And your dreams can turn to be the next you.
Talk to the eggs!!!... whatever they are.

Btw, yesterday I loosened my hair and I loved what i saw.. My real hair is near natural and I love it's bounce. So i rocked my natural afro like never before and I almost lost my voice saying 'thank you'  to compliments. Here are a few pictures I took.
P.S: Stop with the incessant use of hair relaxers and stuff... Excessive use of hair chemicals is bad for hair growth and health. Expect a post on DIY tips for the hair.










xoxo,
Nazzy