DO I REALLY HAVE TO BE STUPID?

I don't know why you're glaring at me as though I'm supposed to be handing you boxes of red velvet cake and a handful of apologies for being absent. Just so you know, I was kidnapped and it was horrible being away from you! But hey, I'M HERE NOW!! *expecting cat calls and bear hugs*

Moving on without stopping to say how much I've missed you guys... *winks*

If I were to get married right now, I doubt that I'd be expecting/scared of "ex boos" as long as half of my bridal train to walk through the door when the priest asks that "who has any reason why they shouldn't get married and bla bla bla..." question. So maybe those people who count EX's in dozens might ask me to keep quiet but...its my blog anyway.

With the much I have experienced in relationships and friendships coupled with my personal values, I think I have come to be very sensitive towards what people say to each other in those heated moments during arguments or fights. I have learned that different people have different red zones and you cannot from the outside, know how much damage you'd cause just cuz your last ex didn't mind being called "a bitch". I am yet to understand how some extremely vulgar names symbolize endearment. I mean I can't even call my female dog that despite the fact that technically, she's just that.

I have seen couples whose arguments cannot possibly be free of phrases like "fuck you", "you're stupid", "Foolish man. Is it because I love you?" Umm...why are you even in love with a fool? Does calling your partner " a stupid idiot" really explain why you'd rather have him take out the garbage thrice in a week rather than weekly? Does calling the mother of your kid "a nasty bitch" tell her why you insist of having a fruit salad every night despite the fact that she just chopped her muscles into pieces to be home in good time to prepare dinner? What is it about calling people names that makes us feel as though our argument or opinion when verbalized would lack clarity without all that vulgarity? I have these two friends who are in a relationship and always lash out at each other in a manner that quite frankly, no longer surprises me. What still surprises me is the all mushy display of affection that follows up when things settle. Biko nu explain how this works to me.

I am of the opinion that love in its fullness cannot be extricated from respect and there are just some things you wouldn't say to a person you respect. Perhaps you could think them cuz you are mad and vulnerable to wild emotions but love and respect are what make you pause and filter your words because once hurtful words step into your threshold, you may not be able to control their effects. The effects they have on the other individual may open doors for insecurity, distrust, lower self esteem, despair and may even trigger the kind of defensive behavior that will lead to reciprocating with verbal or physical abuse.

I have a lot of respect for friends and couples who have heated arguments whilst restricting abusive words to a barest minimum. I do not recall the last time I insulted a friend or partner, especially to their face. And it has made me place higher value on relationships with people in my life; like what we share isn't petty and based on scars from negative words. I'm not saying I haven't thought those things but would saying them solve the problem on ground? I must also add that it increases the respect and love the other individual has for you. We all, in some way, respond positively to love and respect when its given to us consistently.

I'd also add that if you are someone who's predisposed to using vulgar language when you're joking (we all know those people who'd always say "I was joking oo" each time they spit acidic words at others), you may have to learn to curtail it so that it doesn't always pop up when you're truly mad and also be sensitive to the people you find around you. Some people are are not used to being called "thief" or "ode" as a joke. When you are in your circle and if y'all are accustomed to those kinda jokes then perhaps,some of these things can be let to slide. We must also be tolerant, bearing in mind that not everybody has a positive understanding of how these things work. We can try to teach people this things but ultimately, it is unhealthy for you and that relationship if one party just cannot let go of abusiveness. However, with all individuals, boundaries must be set.

I am also preaching to myself because I understand that we all have weak moments and yes, some people are verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry annoying and it can be maddening. I have friends with whom I go all out and crazy with but when it boils down to it, we know when to get reasonable. And yes, I have stopped being friends with people who wouldn't learn to respect those verbal boundaries despite all the time and patience I spent on them. Let's be civil and let's let love be love and stop tainting its definition with the things we say to the people we supposedly love.
Do I really have to be called stupid before you can drive hope your point?

P.S- Some people really are can be stupid and blablabla but do we really have to be the ones to break the sad news to them?

On a lighter note, I didn't know "virgin" had become an abusive term until I saw these two babes having a quarrel and one went like "See this stupid girl oo. What do you know about life? Virgin! Virgin ooo!" Na wa ooo. E no get wetin I no go hear.

Ehen!!! I didn't get kidnapped by dem big boys oo. I was referring to work and all those real life issues with hands and legs everywhere. Thanks guys for being here.

xoxo,
Nma Nazzy

YOU CAME AFTER I LEFT

For the seventh time, my terribly loud ringtone pierces through my bubble of quiet.

With firm resolve I reject the call and fight the tears straining to be let out.

What I can't fight are the memories.

They haunt me like the excerpts from a bloody nightmare.

I float on the clouds of my past back to where I'm coming from.

Like in the movies, I was the ragdoll...

The one who was constantly told "He's not just that into you"

But like a magnet to an iron pin, I couldn't stay away.

So my heart was your playpen

I gave everything you asked for... And more.

I was your bungee cable... I caught you each time you fell but you just bounced right off me, every time.

I saw what everyone else didn't see.

I saw promise and hope for you, but maybe it was all a mirage.

Every night, I walked into your dreams and begged you to see me but you ignored me just as you would if you saw me in the hallway, the next morning.

But it was okay because one day, you'd be quiet enough to hear me out.

You had my shoulders for when you needed to cry.

You had my hands for when you needed to be held.

You had my eyes for when you needed a mirror to see your reflection.

You had my heart for when you needed to pretend.

You had me for when you needed a china doll...

And you broke me.

So now, I'm different....everything you want but will never have.

I'm on my way to newness and I won't look back.

I couldn't wait no more.

Its a shame you came after I left.

Right now, all you are is an echo from a distance calling out to me.

That's all you'll ever be.

And I'm not sorry about that.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

xoxo,

Nazzy

TaRnIsHeD

Love at first sight...
That's what he called it.
I call it blindness- temporary blindness- for in the end, he received his sight.
And then he saw me for what I really am...
What he thinks I really am.  

It was sunny and bright.
Nolan was at mama's and I was free.
Today was for me; for the 'me' I had lost.
I took a walk to the park.
The green gave me life.
The chrips were music to my ears.
The echoes of laughter were healing to my sullen state of mind.
Cold nostalgia swept over me as I walked into the arena...
That's what I call it.

Here, its an ocean of lotus and white roses.
The wind brags as my short white dress billows.
A smile works its way into my face and a moan escapes my lips...
Here, I am strengthened by the scent of purity.
Cold nostalgia washes over me as I think of Nolan and the days before him.
I immersed myself in comfort exuded from the petals..
Lost myself in the arms of mother nature.  

A shadow fell over me.
With my eyes closed, I could sense an invasion.
My haven had been troubled and my anger triggered.
I looked up to find a man staring, his mouth ajar in awe.
The pupils swirled like a whirlpool; in wonder I presume.
My anger dissipated into confusion.
Why was this creature here, looking into my soul?

That day it began.
That day passion was kindled.
That day I misunderstood.
This had to be love, in all its splendour.
When it wasn't Nolan, it was the shadow.
I opened the floodgates, and gave everything.
He was the one who would see what no other saw in me.  

Laughter filled my belly.
Poetry filled my ears.
Kisses covered my skin.
Passion blurred my vision.
In this was promise.

Tonight was for us.
As I combed through my lashes and adjusted my bow, I promised to show the last of me tonight. Nolan.
My shadow, I was sure, would see what no one saw.  

I walked into the restaurant to find him on his knee,
A ring clad with diamonds in his hand.
The strong melody of a stringed instrument bounced off the walls.
Light shone around him as darkness made a hedge around the beam.
With glistening eyes and near-exploding nerves he asked me to be his bride...
For a minute, all I could think of was Nolan.
Would he take us both?
'Yes'... I said 'yes'.
The room reverberated with claps as light ate up the darknss.
Surprises. I love them.
The world had witnessed it all.

I pulled him to a quiet corner.
"You should know something"
"What is it my love?" he asked as he kissed my face playfully.
My pulse quickened as the words clogged my throat.
I held unto faith that this would be perfect.
"I had no idea that you would propose tonight. I hoped to show you something else. Nolan. He's my son. He's a beautiful child. I..." I was interrupted by change.
He froze.
The kisses stopped and he held me still as he looked into my eyes.
It felt as though shards of ice pierced through my skin.
His touch suddenly burnt my skin.
His gaze was cold like death.
The scales fell from his eyes and he walked away.
He saw what others saw.
A tarnished woman.  

I stood there watching him and his friends talk.
Must have been about me.
I saw one shake his head and another snap his finger.
Shadow gulped down something in a glass and threw the glass on the wall.
He forbade me, Rejected me, abhorred me.
I was soiled... 'Mother of a bastard'.
His friends patted his back as he cursed the knowledge of me in regret.
A tear ran down my cheek leaving a trail of pain.
Insanity tore through me and I wailed.
I ran wildly, calling for Nolan.
Nobody cared enough to run after me.
Nolan was outside waiting for me.
I had asked a friend to hold him there.
I was supposed to bring him in after I told 'Shadow'.

I took my son in my arms and wept uncontrollably.
'Mama' he kept calling, his little hands all over my face.
They had seen a lie.
For my miracle, he saw a curse.
For my blessing, he saw a burden.
He saw everything but me;
The 'me'  worthy of love,
The 'me' he could love,
The 'me' that was true,
The 'me' he would never have.  

The ring suddenly felt like a yoke.
I pulled it off and threw it blindly into the dark night.
With it, I cast off all the pain.
I wiped my tears, kissed my son and walked away.
..............................................................................................................................................................
We live in a society that thrives on stereotypes. An unmarried pregnant woman has to be a slut. A well groomed young man is most likely gay. We are forced align our lives with often baseless beliefs which are meant to curb decadence.
We forget that in life, things are not black or white. Some things are grey and should be treated as such. I am not making excuses for people who have careless sexual relations. I am only saying that sometimes, stories and motives differ. An unwanted baby is enough consquence. The society should cease to inflict more pain on mother and child.
People have diverse beliefs and I respect that. While you do not want to marry a single mother or father, you need not hurt them to prove that.
Recently, I was having a conversation with my mum and aunts and everyone started to dissect a young unmarried woman who recently had a baby. I had to come to her rescue, not because her actions are morally upright but because she is human and makes mistakes and has probably learnt a lesson or two. Nobody sees that she may become a more responsible person, a caretaker, a fighter, a teacher, a lover and a breadwinner.

This brings me to the question a friend asked me some weeks ago.
'Who would you rather marry: a divorcee or a single parent?'
Please drop your comments and opinions below..

xoxo,
Nazzy

TALES OF A LOVELESS LOVER: Episode 2

Hello lovers, I'm sure you've been waiting for the second episode of this series. Its finally here and I hope you love it. Just in case you haven't read the first episode, here's a link to it >>> TALES OF A LOVELESS LOVER 1 

Have a good read!

It had been three hours since my awful plunge into the pool and I was still very cross. This Jimi boy deserved to die. The guy who pulled me out had carried me to my room with the help of my friends. I think he said a few things which I can’t remember; I was too busy cussing Jimi and feeling embarrassed. I asked him to leave the room and stop fussing over me. Amidst all of that, I admitted to myself that the fellow was quite handsome. Whatever! I really need a break from guys. The handsome ones can have their face skins peeled off for all I care. I woke from my post-drama nap rather groggily and I must confess, it’s so hard for anyone including myself to coexist with the groggy me. My friends were apparently not in the mood for my bad attitude so they excused themselves. Am I that bad?

“Do you want to join us to the club tonight?” I jumped right out of my skin. “Boma what is it now? You scared me silly. I didn’t hear you come in. Mtchew” I hissed coldly. “Sorry oo. I didn’t mean to scare you. Calm down. Do you feel better now?” she asked in a concerned manner. I loved this friend of mine; she knew how to be a sweetheart. I had known her since I was in JS3 and it has been amazing. She is like a sister even though she did have her own baggage. But who doesn’t? I had two major problems with her: her taste in men and her ability to be absent when you need her just because she’s gotta be with some random dude or even chick. Well, this was one of her gracious moments. “You never come to the club with us. Its time you did, plus it could help with this prickliness. You could wear that green dress and red shoes. You’d be just fine. It’s not like we are going to sleep with men.  You only live once babe.” She continued without giving me the chance to cut in. After she finished rambling, I waited 5 seconds before giving her my reply. You should have seen the look on her face as she waited for my reply. “Fine, I’ll go with you guys, under one condition. No over the top stuff” I answered while simultaneously giving her my stern look. “Deal” She left the room and I laughed quietly to myself. I was sure she was on her way to convincing Mary as well; that was going to be a serious brawl.

 Looking at my reflection, I loved what I saw. I wore the green dress and red ankle boots as Boma suggested. The dress was short and has Cinderella flare. It had a canoe neck and a drooping back line. I knew I looked sexy but not slutty.  This night felt right for some reason. My girls looked amazing as well. Mary wore pencil cut mono strap with fishnets and some nice pointy pumps. Boma and Sally went for feisty in their bum shorts and boots. This night held something that was mine and I was going to get it.

At the club, we got into the VIP lounge smoothly, thanks to some guy Boma met the last time she left school. The music was deafening but the lights were awesome. As soon as we got in, Boma got snagged by some dude and hit the dance floor. Talk about magnetic forces. I, Sally and Mary hit the bar. Mary got a glass of sparkling grape juice; Sally got a mix of vodka and cranberry while I got a glass of sherry. The two of them said they wanted to sit at a sofa close to the dance floor so I went with them. We got winks and catcalls and sent them flirtatious smiles in return. After a couple of minutes, I was alone on the sofa while everyone was killing it on the dance floor. The D.J was great, I love his selection and just bopped my head and screamed occasionally as I watched Boma do her thing with all the poor dudes scuffling to dance with her. Gosh! My eyes hurt. I rested my back on the back of the sofa and closed my eyes for a bit. I had a smile on my lips when they weren’t just mine anymore. I felt someone’s lips on mine. His lips- it had to be a ‘he’- they were cold but soft. His breath was heavy with vodka and chocolate, I think. The mixture was awesome. I panicked. My first kiss! What was I supposed to do? I wasn’t sure I knew how to kiss so I just stayed still and let whoever the stranger was do his thing. Common sense tugged at me and I was forced to break out with something I hoped was a slap. I meant to slap him but it turned to be just a gentle shove. Whoever it was got the message and pulled away. My eyes were still closed, I needed time to process what just happened and wished that when I opened my eyes, it would have been all imagined. I could still taste Vodka and chocolate… the flavors were still ravaging my senses. When I opened my eyes, I saw a stunningly handsome face hovering some inches above mine. His eyes held something strong and I felt as though he were looking into my soul. His lips were still slightly parted and reminded me of what just happened. Where was the feisty me? I wanted to give him a slap; that’s what the ‘me’ I know would do. But here I was looking at this beautiful man with an electric sensation swirling through me. “I’m so sorry. I really am. I can explain what happened if you will listen” “I know you. I’ve seen you before. It was you, wasn’t it?” I whispered. “Yes, it was. I pulled you out of the pool today. I never really got to talk to you” “Get out of my face” I said gruffly as I recovered. I cleared my throat and sat up when he moved away. He sat beside me and took a sip from the glass he was holding. “Why did you do that? How did you find me? Who are you? Are you stalking me?” panic began to rise in me. “Calm down. Like I said I’m sorry this happened. My name is Ugonna Akadike. I’m not stalking you and this happened… Well, I don’t know why it did because it wasn’t supposed to” he replied rather calmly. I was getting angry at this point. “Oh, so Mr. Ugonna just kisses random women after saving them from drowning hours before and never knows why. If you don’t want me to create a scene, better start telling me what you want from me and what all of this really is.” I hissed. “Okay. I just happened to be at the pool with my friends when you slipped and fell into it. I noticed you couldn’t handle the deep end so I took a dive to help you. Afterwards, I tried to talk to you and introduce myself but you were too embarrassed, I guess and asked to be left alone. You never said ‘thank you’” he paused and smiled. “And now, I was at the other end with the same friends playing truth or dare. I was dared to kiss a random girl. My friends were squabbling about the kind of slap the girl would give me. I cockily argued that she’d enjoy the kiss way too much to slap me. So we made a bet. I was walking towards the girl at the bar to carry out the dare when I saw you sitting here with your eyes closed. I don’t know why but I made a detour and here I am. I apologize for disrespecting you. You can slap me now, so they can win the bet” he said with a shrug. I relaxed and just smiled. He was being truthful and in the spirit of gratitude for what he did for me, I was going to let the whole thing slide. After all, I didn’t kiss him back but I damn well enjoyed the kiss. “Thank you… for saving me at the pool” He smiled as he rose. “You’re welcome.” I suddenly got tired of sitting alone so I joined my friends on the dance floor. I was having fun and I knew that he was probably somewhere watching me do so.

Whoever said being in your final year is easy probably never went to the university.

Right now, I’m trying to juggle my tests with my project. My project supervisor really knew how to increase the pressure. I barely found time to see movies; that’s a sure sign that I really am busy. My Dad called very often and each time he did, he went on about how I had to try my best to remain on the first class. That dude just doesn’t know that sometimes, you just don’t want to talk about school. That’s what you get for having a very smart dad. I wouldn’t have it any other way though. My classes today ended by 6pm and I was as tired as hell. It had been two weeks since our weekend escapade and I could pay a fortune to get that kind of break, but that would be paying for failure. I just needed a nap. I had to wake up by 1.00am to study. I was enjoying the nap when I was hit back into the reality of having annoying roommates. “Who is it now? I don’t know why you guys won’t let people rest. Disturbing someone every time…” I grumbled as I sat up. “Take the phone jor. The call is for you” Boma threw the phone at the bed beside me and left the room. That girl knew just how to get on my nerves. I called her all manner of names in my head as I picked up the phone to see who the ‘important person’ was. This had better be good. “Hello. Who am I speaking with?” I asked in the most hostile tone I could muster. A person didn’t get sweets for waking me from my beauty sleep. “Hi. This is Ugo from Lagos. I’m really sorry for bothering you. I could call right back if its okay by you” “How did you get this number? I really don’t understand how you find me every time and it’s beginning to creep me out” “I would apologize again except I’m not really sorry. I didn’t want to push my luck at the club so I didn’t bother to ask for your digits. I met Boma your friend later on. She came to me saying she saw us kiss. I explained it all to her and told her I wanted to get your number. She said you wouldn’t give it to me and that she couldn’t either. She later agreed to let me have hers if I wanted; that she’d pass the call to you whenever I called. So here’s the call” What was really wrong with this guy; always messing with me? I was supposed to be cross, wasn’t I? Here I was, secretly happy he called. I hadn’t been able to get that day off my mind. He’s face was always in my head. There was a striking resemblance between him and Chris Attoh, the Ghanaian actor. You know that means ‘ultra handsome’ right? “Ugonna, I have to get some rest now. You’ll have to call me back tomorrow or any other time. And I do not appreciate your conniving with my friends to do stuff that concern me, behind my back. Take this down” I paused for a couple of seconds. “08064278888. Call me” I could hear him smile as he said goodnight. I dropped the phone carelessly on the stand by my bed and fell asleep with a smile on my lips.

The next day, I got a text from an unknown number apologizing for disturbing my sleep last night and wishing me a great day. Ugo. I had a busy day as usual so I barely had time to think of people who saved me from drowning or kissed me when I least expected. At 5.45pm, Boma, Mary and I were walking to the chapel for an evening service. “Dora, you are funny. Firstly, you didn’t mention your kiss with Ugonna and now you keep last night’s conversation to yourself. Na wa oo” Boma started. “Boma, are you joking? And who’s Ugo? Dora na wa for you oo. If I did the same thing, you’d probably scream down the heavens” Mary complained. “Boma, it was two nights ago and not last night. Mary I’m sorry. It skipped my mind. I’ll gist you later” I pleaded. They teased me throughout the service and had fun while they were at it. By 11.30pm, I was almost pacing. I practically took a look at my phone every five minutes. At some point, I called myself to order. He was just some random fellow. For all I knew, he could be some wanna-be trying to hustle a chick, to win some bet. I took my mind off him as I ate a bar of French nougat and listened to Miley Cyrus’ wrecking ball. The rest of the week went without a call from Ugonna so I forgot about him

Did I hear you say 'drama'?...

Stay tuned for the next episode!

Please drop your comments; I'd love to hear from you.

P.S: The image at the top of the page was drawn and colored by me.. :)
        The phone number was made up. Its purely coincidental if it actually belongs to someone.

xoxo,
Nazzy

A LETTER TO HIM

          

Hello lovers,

In case you haven't figured, I am one huge awesome bundle of drama. Yes, I can be very dramatic; I'm my mum's daughter. You must also know that I am a 'pro fantasizer'. I can literally sit for hours just planning and dreaming about how fab my life would be a couple of years from now- Career, Marriage, Motherhood, Travels....just name it. For instance, I already have the details of my honeymoon on ground and I don't even have a steady relationship yet. (Did you just shake your head at me?) Of course I know life isn't full of fairytales but I don't let that rob me of my plans, dreams and fantasies. Plus, with the right attitude and God, many of those can come true.

I take marriage very seriously and its one thing I look forward to and hope I do right. I know no man or woman is perfect but understanding and complementing your strengths and weaknesses is what matters. I know I can be over dramatic sometimes, and can eat nougats, pizza and marshmallows from now till next year, and that I have an terribly funny and bizarre bucket list but there has to be someone who'll accept those because he loves me and will even indulge me sometimes.

So on the 30th of October 2012, I came up with this ridiculously heartfelt long letter to 'him'. Note that this is not a rigid checklist. I hope you smile or laugh or say a couple of 'aww's.

Dear him,

        Hope you're great? Its funny I don't even know whether or not I've met you or not. You've probably walked past me some time at the mall or even sat beside me at a movie. Its all good cuz I'll meet you in the end.

        You know how people say that you just won't find a perfect guy and that you make yourselves perfect for each other. That's why I'm writing you this letter. Someone has to take the first step right? Not to sound vain but you know, we both have to put some things in place before sealing the deal. I really want you yo know some things if we are gonna stay together long enough to have a golden jubilee. You should know that I'm trying really hard to be the ideal woman: Christian, decent, a great cook, hot, romantic, fun, smart and well educated....blablabla. Maybe I'm not there yet but I'm trying. Just so you know, 

• I'd love you to be my best friend.....and best friends don't keep secrets from each other.
• I'd love you to be blunt with me; Be able to tell me anything no matter how bizarre, silly or even harsh (I'm not saying you should be screaming at me oo)
• I'd love you to be pretty sensitive to my needs; I love to be cuddled and held and I don't want to ask before I get any 'sugar'.
• I'd love you to be patient; We women have our horrible, tantrum-throwing moments and a patient man should work the magic. You need not shut us up with your fists. A wide grin or compliment or kiss should work. In extreme cases, ignore us and marry your newspaper, we usually advise ourselves at this point. Who wants to compete with 'the newspaper'?
• I'd love you to be spontaneous; Like surprise me with exotic gifts, the very cute thoughtful gifts, quickies in the elevators... (Don't look at me like that now...Its just these hollywood movies messing with my head) and any other things I haven't thought of all through my fantasy series.
• I'd love you to be the eyes through which I can see things differently from how I see them.
• I'd love you to love God as well; pray with me, pray for me, pray on my behalf. In loving you, let my love for God grow.
• Please be romantic; Make me breakfast in bed (not every morning of course. I know you've got work) and be my very best masseuse [better than what any spa has to offer ;) ]. And I love those hugs from behind. They are the cutest gestures ever.
• Be so proud of me that your friends will get back home and go all 'can't you be like Mr -----'s wife?' on their wives.
• I'd love it if you'd have a wonderful scent and fresh breath. I have this refined raw hatred for body odors and bad breath. Remember I have to kiss you very often. Well...I'm not sure we'd get as far as the altar if these areas are no-go areas.
• Oh please, have time for the kids and I. I want them to spend some time with you everyday and we'd probably take turns to tell them bedtime stories. I want us to have time to talk about our day cuz you'll be my personal diary. You should also know that I have two lovely names for our daughters. You should pick out names for the boys. We'll pick out their Nigerian names together.
• Now I beg you, please be faithful! Like I said before, I'm tryna be the 'it' woman so I'd try not to give you any reason to look outside. I dunno how I'd take it so I'd rather it'd not be an option.
• I'd love it if you loved me so much and knew me so well that you could read my lips from 40 metres away, that your heartbeat will be in sync with mine, that we'd have our private jokes and understand our thoughts by just exchanging glances, that you'd be so restless if you knew I wasn't smiling, that you'd look beyond my imperfections and teach me to be the one you'd love, that you'd never look me in the eyes and lie to me, that I'd be the cure to your insanity.
• I'd love it if you were intellectual with a great sense of humor. I have a sound sense of humor and I'm the queen of sarcasm. Besides, I love witty banters and want to be able to hold reasonable convos with you.
• I'd love it if you were daring, and would do really crazy things with me without caring about status or people around and what they have to say about us. Teach me to be a braver woman.
• It'll be a bonus if you're tall cuz I'm not. I'd love it if you can play an instrument or can speak french, or if you can handle Italian cuisine, or can sing beautifully, or can tango gracefully, or can surf or skii. Well, if you can't  do any, we'd probably learn together.
• I'd love it if you'd let me love you and care for you in my own way; Just savor and appreciate my gestures and help me live the happy life I want. Honey, is that too much to ask?

                Finally, since I haven't so much as met you, let me just say "I love you in advance".

                                                                                                                       Yours sincerely,

                                                                                                                       Future Wife.

DEAR NIGERIA...leave our boys alone!

Hello lovers,
I have been having some trouble trying to think of something interesting to grace this blog with. However,I have come to realize that as boring ad my life is right now, it has its perks and I will not hesitate to share my life in the fab lane with you.

So on Saturday morning, I woke up late and as hungry as my late dog- who was always hungry btw. Unfortunately for me, laziness outweighed hunger so I lay on my bed till I could practically hear my intestines snapping. The cafe close to my hostel is really famous for its horrible food so I didn't bother to compound my issues. Furthermore, I was in no mood for the biscuits and cereals in my closet so I was left with one last option- Garri. Yep! The life of a Nigerian student. I had the regular accessories: groundnuts and milk, so I decided to go get the garri itself from a friend

After I got it, I made a detour; had to see another friend briefly. I entered her room rather noisily and exchanged pleasantries with the roommates. My friend asked why I was having garri so early in the day and I was like, "we Nigerians are suffering ooo". She laughed and said she agrees with me. I complained of how bored I was and she happened to be thinking the same thing. She said that Nigeria is robbing us of everything including our boyfriends-that the economy is making it hard to find new boyfriends. We laughed hard and joked about how we shouldn't have turned down some of our eligible toasters since Naija is making it difficult to find good replacements.

After I left the room, I started analysing our very funny and baseless dialogue and came to the conclusion that many Nigerian forces are actually spoiling our parole *in quote* My points may be funny but are valid.

The economy is slowing down the rate at which people get rich- low standard of living and all that... We want rich boyfriends.
The labor economy is not booming; there are no job opportunities... We want guys with tush jobs and fat paychecks.
The Nigerian mosquitoes and sand flies are not relenting... We want boys with more skin than spots.
The health sector is crying for help... Do you know how many fine dudes are to ill to be toasting you?
The educational system is a mess... We want educated boys.
The Nigerian accent cannot be overlooked... We want boys who don't pronounce 'egg' as 'hegg' or 'bed' as 'bade' or even 'fifty' as 'pipty'. *ducks to dodge the stones being hailed at me by the tribes represented above* I'm Ibo btw.
Nigerian movies, please stop giving boys those dumb pickup lines... They're getting old, we want change.
The Nigerian girls are now tax collections... We don't want to scare these dudes away now, do we? They are neither your fathers not God.
Nollywood stop making all girls look like sluts.. We want boys who respect us, and see being what they see in movies when they look at us.
Many Nigerian mothers don't want to let go of their grown ass sons...We want independent men and not boys who use their mum's breasts as head rests.
Let's not forget the Nigerian notion of men over-dominating everything... Im not saying we won't be submissive but we don't want men who will hit us because we said 'hi' to a former classmate who happens to be a guy or men who feel so threatened by our success that they force us to discard our certificates and open boutiques in Balogun market.

I could go on and on.there are so many Nigerian forces denying babes of the right dudes. So whether you are a Nigerian girl, insect, politician, teacher, mum or even the economy, know that you have a role to play in letting us have our dream men.

Im still laughing as I type this but I like to think there is a good measure of sense in all I've written.

Dear Nigerian boys, we will really appreciate it if you could work on your physique, career, psyche, accent, romance skills, spiritual lives etc while we also work on being fab wives and mums. Many of you need to acquire more yards of marriage material. (That was a joke *grins*).

Call me crazy...
xoxo,
Nazzy