ON DECIDING TO BE BEAUTIFUL

So guys, here’s the thing. I have been drowning recently; drowning in the ocean of activities that make up my life. I have lost weight recently, acquired eye bags the size of Texas and broken down one or two times. Let’s not even talk about the needs vs pockets ratio.

Needless to say, contrary to my plans and hopes for starting the New Year, I haven’t been entirely happy lately. This has turned me into such a nag that I sometimes cringe when I start with these rants. At some point, it was okay to rant; I mean I have the right to. It’s me we’re talking about here. But somewhere along the line, I realized that I was actually becoming sad. In the two weeks, I have broken down in serious tears about thrice and shouted more times than I can count. My countenance became sour and every day, the ball of negative energy around me expanded and somehow got tighter.

I am not going to delve into some of the issues I have been dealing with since I do not have the privilege of being an anonymous blogger but here’s the deal: I HAVE CHOSEN TO BE HAPPY. I made a choice to be at peace with myself last year and by God’s grace, that turned out amazing. I was in my ACCA class on Saturday and whilst classes were going on, I was bus making lists of my immediate needs and attaching price tags to them. By the time I was done, I understood why some parents pop B.P pills after looking at their children’s lists.

After dwelling on these needs for quite some time, I decided that although it’s quite disappointing that I may not be able to afford all at the moment, they are not worth my happiness. So guess what, I dropped all that burden somewhere along Ojuelegba and moved on. I mean, when has God not had my back?

I retraced my steps and decided to uphold some of the decisions I made with taking good care of myself being one of those at the top of the list. So I thought you might want to hear some of my year-long resolutions. Note that I didn’t use the term “New Year.”

§  I decided to start zinging my water with lemons and other fruits. My citrus zinger water bottle is already "IN" and I’ve got tons of recipes waiting to be tried out. Yass Fit Fam!!!

§  I decided to start pampering my skin and believe me when I say that most of the things on that list were for my hair and face. Anyways, I walked into Montaigne Place and walked out with 3 bottles of awesomeness in a Clarins range.

§  I decided to stop being grumpy and get around to chores that I felt like are not in my jurisdiction. Like I won’t let myself be uncomfortable cuz I’m too pissed at you for not doing your job; I’ll go ahead and do what I can cuz I’ve got standards and there’s no way your smallness is messing with them.

§  I decided to eat fruits every single night; I need to have that healthy glow. Who knows? Shining bright like a diamond can get a girl a diamond. Lol.

§  I decided to stick to black soap…Yes, you heard me. I have been using Cussons Baby Soap for some years and as you all know, I’m a grown woman whose skin has grown-up issues plus my mum decided that she was done with my child support programme. So I discovered FOREVER LIVING AVOCADO BAR which is amazing and does a fine job of making me N1000 poorer every two weeks or so. Then I went to Akwa Ibom state for work and an old friend introduced me to this jar of black gooey sweetness called “ATONG.”

I’ll skip the details and jump to the part where I started using Dudu-Osun thereafter. So far, I’m loving it. It’s cleared some of the zits I had on my chest and back and the rest of my body is glowing. I was a bit skeptical about using it on my face and just stuck to my Neutrogena face wash. I also read reviews on Dudu-Osun online and many people had amazing stuff to say about it. I also learned that I can use it for my hair. Can I get a “Halleluyah”?

*REVIEW ON MY BEAUTY REGIMEN COMING SOON AS A VLOG*

§  I decided to be more disciplined. I want to remain a Risk Consultant and become a professional blogger/vlogger this year and these appeal to my discipline and sense of priority. I’ll have to work smart, write better, shoot better and just be more efficient generally speaking. I’d also have to make out more time for squats (and the dumbells for those just arrived...yayy!) and making salads and smoothies. You’re probably asking why I can’t fit the four lines above into 365 days without tackling discipline. Well, if you’ve set goals that you are determined to achieve this year and realize that the first the first month is always gone, you’d have the answer to your questions.

§  I decided to build a great reputation among most people I’d come in contact with this year. Basically just be a beautiful person on the inside and on the outside. I know I can’t do this alone, and am constantly asking for help form God.

I HAVE DECIDED TO BE A REALLY BEAUTIFUL PERSON ALL-ROUND OR ELSE WHAT’S THE ESSENCE OF BEARING A NAME THAT MEANS “BEAUTY COMES FROM GOD”?

Xoxo,

Nazzy

HEARTSTRINGS

SOURCE: ideasvalentinesday

ROSE:

I always wake up to a wet sweet tingling on my cheek,

Right where your lips touch before they move to my neck.

My tongue never gets used to your flavor as it bears the drugging effect of wine, chocolates and pure love.

We’ve been married just a year and I still look forward to marrying you the very next day, and saying I do all over again when you hug me from behind.

I often wonder if this would be till the end of time.

LILY:

I have loved you for a decade or so, borne your name for half the time and will want you forever.

I took vows by the sea with waters, earth and sky echoing them in unison.

Bed sheets can bear witness of the passion we share and the lights of how often we abandon them so that I can find you with hands and not eyes.

But outside your arms I know no solace for I am yet to bear the name mother;

I often wonder whether you’ll start to mind that too.

DAISY:

At first your touch was mild and then they turned to jabs that later turned my skin purple after a day or two.

At first I never wanted you to stop speaking for your words were laced with roses and I glowed as each syllable passed through me.

Now I’m running out of heart for each word from you destroys one more inch of it and makes me less woman.

Three missed periods have ended with scarlet fluid running down my legs and more life ebbing away from me.

I often wonder how long it takes you finally destroy a woman.

IRIS:

You have renamed me, re-molded me and made me yours in a way that can never be undone.

The purity of every interaction with you saved me from myself and every hugged pulled more of me out from the clutches of a stained past.

The children are beautiful but I wouldn’t want any without you and I can only love me and them because you constantly show me how.

All this time have taught me that some things- special things like what we’ve built- can defy the Constance of change.

I often wonder how little a woman I’d be if you hadn’t come along.

JASMINE:

I have watched you love me in more ways than one; with words, gifts and care but then, I have watched you love us all in the same way.

I see the lip stains, texts, and receipts, and how you steal quick kisses from them when you think I’m not looking.

I have gotten threats from unnamed women who want more of you and forget that you are solely mine or at least, were meant to be.

But I have loved you more, kissed you more, prayed for you more and given to more of myself.

I often wonder what I’m missing and how every other women manages to have enough of it to give you.

VIOLET:

I buckle at the knees each time I hear the sound of your voice or even the horn of your car; my body lives in the constant fear of the shame my thighs face by you.

My breasts and neck hurt from where your canines constantly dig in each time the bed lamp goes off.

My nostrils are accustomed to the stench of alcohol from your breath and my face to the eerie feeling of you drooling all over it.

You’ve become a nightmare as constant as the wedding ring I wear.

I often wonder how long it will take to lose you both.

IVY:

I have watched your dark hair disappear taking with it all the passion we once had.

Sweet names have gone with age and adventure with the fading memories.

A full house at Christmas and thanksgiving keep me grateful but I often miss little things like your notes and tickles and long nights of sweet nothings in foreign lands.

These days, memories and stories keep me happy and not you.

I often wonder if we’ll ever taste passion ever again before our demise.

LEILANI:

I have loved you for half a century and more and you leave me thinking that more can be done.

I have learnt to disregard age because the longing in your eyes each time they find me have never waned.

You have taken with you “all of me” and returned to me “all of us”; something I never thought existed or could be so amazing.

You have become the best of wines getting better with age and more exotic with passing moments.

I often wonder if death will be strong enough to break what we have.

ME:

I have heard all these tales and more, and have dared love once and tasted its exotic flavor.

I have tried to protect myself from the drama and heartbreak and have prayed on every night that my tale be magical.

I have grown to desire love in its purest form and am trying to learn how to wield it.

Now I’m focused on becoming his dream even before he finds me and loving others so that we can reflect God’s intention.

Perhaps in targeting a thousand souls, I will find that “one” and would have enough love to give and room to receive.

I often wonder what beautiful tale is yet to happen with me.

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 DISCLAIMER: The names are fictional. Also, I do not suppose that these extracts embody the experiences of every woman. However, these tales are as true as many of the women you have known.

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 I hope I struck a chord in you. 

xoxo.

Nazzy

The Person We All Need

Everyday I sit down waiting for 'inspiration' like we call it.
I sit waiting for it to creep in with the morning mists or drift in with a fluffy white cloud shaped like a unicorn.
I sit waiting for some magic to possess me and tell my fingers what to say when all around me, the voices of elements strive to make themselves heard through me.
I've decided that sometimes, the things that make the most meaning  are within and around us.
I have been reading a book titled "Never Eat Alone" and I have started to see people and the parts they play in my life from a different angle; a broader plane.
I used to fly solo all the time but lately I found myself bonding with people and getting really good at it.
At first, I was bothered that I was changing and letting too many people in but I learnt that loyalty and trust are attributes of the strong and wise.
I also learnt that your life really is about people, and being an island will leave you as static as an island.
Again, I learnt that there is more beauty in sharing love, joy, laughter, memories and even pain, especially with the right people.

Good friends are like sweet wine; they get better as they get older.
Bad friends are like a disease; they longer they stay hitched to you, the more they take from and destroy you.
Building friendships are a somewhat sacred act.
The choices of people to call your friends must not be made lightly; every new friend is an automatic addition or subtraction from your life.
What kind of life would you have if two-thirds of the people in your life constantly deduct value from you?
Your friends should be people you'd never have to deny knowing.
They should be people you'd want your kids to meet and emulate.
They should be people that can help you chase  and achieve your dreams without coveting them or swindling treasures off you.
They should be people you can trust yourself with such that if you fall, you'd have no fears that you wouldn't find help getting up again.
They should be people who'd slap sense into you when stupidity tries to stop you from making the right turns.
These kind of people are not just anybody.

We all need that person who sees in us, what no one else sees.
That person who makes you think of yourself as better than you are.
Lately, I met one of such people and I don't think I'm on my way to regret.
Many times, we wait for mind-boggling events to trigger the change we desire when all we have to do lies in our embracing normalcy.
I'm beginning to think that friendships are yet the strongest bonds we'll ever  have the privilege of making.
I do not speak of lust, sex or the often baseless relationships that have become the norm.
I do not speak of a coalition born of flighty sentiment.
I speak of a union of minds forged by selflessness, love, truth, tolerance, bravery and the courage to open one's self to the risk of losing it all.
I speak of the synergy born by the character of sacrifice and reason.

For some people, the heart is a locked gate whose keys are lost in a fog.
Only those who are willing to search blindly and patiently deserve to find the keys to unlock you. I need people who deserve me.
I need people who think I am worth the trouble.
I need people who are willing to teach me to be that better person they'd rather have me be.
I need people who'll make me forget that I don't know how to trust.
I need people who'll offer me a fresh start by making the pain from my past non-existent.
I need people who give me the correct definition of everything I feel.
You need them too.

In my opinion, you haven't found a friend until you have someone you can bare your soul to.
I look forward to meeting that person, whoever he/she may be.
I must confess that everyday I hope I find that friend in my life partner.
The truth may be that I might have met him/her/them; there's no rule that limits you to one true friend.
The people we pray and wait for may be those faces in the crowd that we bat eyelashes at and walk away.
Do not make the mistake of believing such people or bonds do nor exist....because they do.
My new friend taught me that if you're doing what you ought to do, you'll get what you ought to get.
Start by being the person you hope to find.
Be the friend you want to have.
Imbibe the character of love and the habit of forgiveness.
Be the person you've dreamt of having but never had.

A DIALOGUE WITH MY DUAL

As I stared into the silver piece of glass, I saw her.
She looked just like me...
Only she was different..........
Different from who I thought I'd see.
Her sclera shone white but her pupils radiated dimly.
Her mouth looked smart but she wouldn't say a word.
She was looking back at me as though I was a rival...
As though I wasn't me.

Amidst our differences,
there was a sense of understanding,
a unity of emotions.
Our eyes told each other our stories.
We both felt the emptiness.
I felt the pain but she seemed to feel nothing.
I felt weak but in those dimly lit eyes of hers, I saw strength.
Her lips were sealed in firm resolve;
She was done crying,
and I was thankful for that.
I didn't need another weeping heart.
I needed the hope that coursed out of her.

No, we weren't on the same page.
She had set herself free, and was going to live again.
I thought I heard her voice in my head entreating me to do the same.
I yearned for her...
To be strong and calm and beautiful...
To be sane.

She smiled at me;
I had gotten the message.
She had made sure of that.
I was going to be her;
The me I saw in the mirror.
A better me.
The stronger me.
Then she turned to leave
And so did I.
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*Sometimes, waves of emotions hit us and then we see the clearer picture. I've seen mine and I hope you do too*
READ! SHARE!! COMMENT!!!

xoxo,
Nazzy

DaRk sMiLeS

I see the antithesis...
I know the irony yet I'm the practicality.
It's not denial and its not a lie,
It's a struggle and it's a wish.
Pain locks your jaws against laughter and the sadness hides your insanity
And amidst the recurring tragedy called 'your life',
Only heroes like us find the will to smile.

Leaning on nothing,
Believing in the non-existent,
These are steps you must take to finding you
Only sometimes, these lessons are just too hard to take in.

This is my story:
Everyday, I strive to walk past that dog into the light I see...
Every new year, I pray the last page will hold a different tale...
Every month, I pray I don't have to pray this no more...
But somehow, some things have stayed constant.

Hell!
I am not ungrateful for everyday, I seize the time to sing, dance, talk and pray
And I take the time to smile just to disappoint my problems because as dark as the smile may seem, it is what it is.
The import of the joy I seek to express is an illusion...at first
But then, it spreads through me like a cancer as it becomes reality,
And that stir of hope becomes a light that darkness cannot comprehend.
The fog is lifted and pure joy remains...
And then I fight not to reach the light I see because in me, it has its place.

Let more tell you why I take my time to smile:
It's the start of happiness and the end of sadness.
It's infectious, protective and illuminating.
It's a shield in a war of emotions.
It's the lie told by a failing heart but the truth told by the healing one.
No matter how pained or toothless you are, every smile brings a ray of hope and a ripple effect, no matter how little.
Only let it come from your heart and not just be on your lips.

I may not live in abundance
But everyday that passes comes with enough for me
And maybe all He deserves is my gratitude because I am never without.
The smiles of the happy are a ritual
But it's the dark ones that are potent enough to save you;
The outcomes of your hope, faith and gratitude.





-For my parents and I

xoxo,
Nazzy