Wednesday, October 16, 2013

DEAR NIGERIA...leave our boys alone!

Hello lovers,
I have been having some trouble trying to think of something interesting to grace this blog with. However,I have come to realize that as boring ad my life is right now, it has its perks and I will not hesitate to share my life in the fab lane with you.

So on Saturday morning, I woke up late and as hungry as my late dog- who was always hungry btw. Unfortunately for me, laziness outweighed hunger so I lay on my bed till I could practically hear my intestines snapping. The cafe close to my hostel is really famous for its horrible food so I didn't bother to compound my issues. Furthermore, I was in no mood for the biscuits and cereals in my closet so I was left with one last option- Garri. Yep! The life of a Nigerian student. I had the regular accessories: groundnuts and milk, so I decided to go get the garri itself from a friend

After I got it, I made a detour; had to see another friend briefly. I entered her room rather noisily and exchanged pleasantries with the roommates. My friend asked why I was having garri so early in the day and I was like, "we Nigerians are suffering ooo". She laughed and said she agrees with me. I complained of how bored I was and she happened to be thinking the same thing. She said that Nigeria is robbing us of everything including our boyfriends-that the economy is making it hard to find new boyfriends. We laughed hard and joked about how we shouldn't have turned down some of our eligible toasters since Naija is making it difficult to find good replacements.

After I left the room, I started analysing our very funny and baseless dialogue and came to the conclusion that many Nigerian forces are actually spoiling our parole *in quote* My points may be funny but are valid.

The economy is slowing down the rate at which people get rich- low standard of living and all that... We want rich boyfriends.
The labor economy is not booming; there are no job opportunities... We want guys with tush jobs and fat paychecks.
The Nigerian mosquitoes and sand flies are not relenting... We want boys with more skin than spots.
The health sector is crying for help... Do you know how many fine dudes are to ill to be toasting you?
The educational system is a mess... We want educated boys.
The Nigerian accent cannot be overlooked... We want boys who don't pronounce 'egg' as 'hegg' or 'bed' as 'bade' or even 'fifty' as 'pipty'. *ducks to dodge the stones being hailed at me by the tribes represented above* I'm Ibo btw.
Nigerian movies, please stop giving boys those dumb pickup lines... They're getting old, we want change.
The Nigerian girls are now tax collections... We don't want to scare these dudes away now, do we? They are neither your fathers not God.
Nollywood stop making all girls look like sluts.. We want boys who respect us, and see being what they see in movies when they look at us.
Many Nigerian mothers don't want to let go of their grown ass sons...We want independent men and not boys who use their mum's breasts as head rests.
Let's not forget the Nigerian notion of men over-dominating everything... Im not saying we won't be submissive but we don't want men who will hit us because we said 'hi' to a former classmate who happens to be a guy or men who feel so threatened by our success that they force us to discard our certificates and open boutiques in Balogun market.

I could go on and on.there are so many Nigerian forces denying babes of the right dudes. So whether you are a Nigerian girl, insect, politician, teacher, mum or even the economy, know that you have a role to play in letting us have our dream men.

Im still laughing as I type this but I like to think there is a good measure of sense in all I've written.

Dear Nigerian boys, we will really appreciate it if you could work on your physique, career, psyche, accent, romance skills, spiritual lives etc while we also work on being fab wives and mums. Many of you need to acquire more yards of marriage material. (That was a joke *grins*).

Call me crazy...

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