Sunday, June 30, 2013

WHY YOUR BABY HATES YOU SOMETIMES.






Do you think being all grown gives you exclusive rights to being angry or feeling like peeling someone's skin off her face? Do you think these cute babies sometimes don't wish that we could sometimes catwalk into pit latrines and stay there till 9Ja starts having 24-hr power supply (una sabi say that time still far, no be small)?  

I hear people say babies are spirits... dunno how that works but these sweet beings are pretty sensitive and despite their inability to say 'hey, you are really pissing me off', I think they actually get pissed. This one's especially dedicated to naija mums.
P.S-All I had to do to think this up was to think like a think like a Nigeria baby which i was. My point is that this came naturally...from experience.
Here are some things that i think get babies super pissed.

1) Doing 'the face' when they throw up:
This one's for the aunts. You know those 'between-saliva-and-vomit' things that babies throw up frequently, dunno what they are called but you know what i mean. Mums don't really mind but we aunts always screw up our faces and i bet those babies would be saying 'see her ugly face. I go dey here when you go dey suck your pikin nose....abi na eww go comot the catarrh'.  

2) Forcing them to eat by pinching their noses and holding 'em like that:
Abeg this act is plain brutal. Every proper 9ja person should be able to relate to this esp ibos and yorubas. This is what i call operation 'swallow or choke'..and ofcourse the poor kids go swallow naa. .hu wan die? Funny enuf, na when they wan give the pikin akamu (pap), this method they always show. Put yourself in their little shoes; you no go vex?  

3) Putting a single thread on their heads when they have hiccups:
Na the ibo mumsis they do this one pass. Instead of doing something tangible to ease the discomfort from the hiccups, they expect a single tiny rope to work the magic. I dunno if this really works but hell, if you were a baby and it didn't work, you'd be freaking cross cuz those hiccups are so annoying. Trust me!  

4) Going to shoprite with your baby tied to your back with a wrapper:
Una dey like think say na only una dey like baff up when shopping time don reach. Haba mana! While other babies are 'tushly' tucked into prams and baby carriers, some mums deem it fit to 'back' their babies with Ankara. These lil people can tolerate that SHIT in balogun market but shoprite is the limit. Don't you know other babies will be calling your baby razz eh? And you'll be saying 'hey, this Tata is pointing at you, oya greet your friend' meanwhile na point and kill oda pikins dey do your pikin.  

5) Changing their diapers in public places:
This one can be gross on all levels. Recently, i saw a woman sit on the ground outside the church to wipe her baby's ass and change her diapers. I no say dem be pikins but every ass deserves some respect and privacy jare. This lady was hanging the baby's bum so high in the air during the ass-wiping process that you'd think she was dedicating the ass to a deity. Abeg, babies too dey get crushes so stop embarrassing your daughter by showing that her cute crush with one tooth(who she prolly likes cuz all his feeding bottles have BEN 10 on the'em) her cute bum.
Seriously, Nigerian women should really check this one.  

Now, i know we can barely remember things we felt when we were babies but i can assure you that you were damn right pissed if you experienced any of this. Still lmao... Have a lovely Sunday!
xoxo,
Nazzy